Safe
by sadness1986
Summary: WARNING: angst, implied incest, mindgames SUMMARY: You were standing at my doorstep, I was afraid to let you in, because you were carrying decay and pain like a weapon aimed at me. Jeff's POV


title: safe author: sadness1986 pairing: matt/ jeff hardy rating: nc-17 warning: angst, implied incest, character death, disturbing images, supernatural themes summary: you were standing at my doorstep, i was afraid to let you in, because you were carrying decay and pain like a weapon aimed at me. jeff's pov notes: did i overcome my writer's block? i'm not sure.

you were standing at my doorstep, i was afraid to let you in, because you were carrying decay and pain like a weapon aimed at me. there were little sparks of light caught in the dark of your irises and i hid behind my front door, because i didn't want to be trapped like them in your darkness.  
in broad daylight you were a shadow, the opposite of everything bright and warm, you were a corpse, a remnant of the absence of sun, something left behind from a place, where death is just a one night stand.  
you didn't even knock, you just stood there, waiting for me to notice you, you were in no hurry and even to tired to raise your hand, never asking for help, just being there, intruding my peace, intruding my world and bruising everything, i've had built from the ruins.  
i looked at you through the glass, the door still shielding me and you raised your head, meeting my gaze with wide open eyes, that weren't used to crying, there was a whole rainstorm trapped in them, but you would not let it out.  
you were trying to escape the great silence, that had sunken on your world, when you were alone and lonely in your perfect big house, when perfection was gone at all, the security you've had built through the years suddenly had trap doors and chaos was leaking in, when everything that you've had, your perfect controlled, stable hiding place, that was just on your mind, because reality is never like this, was invaded, torn and shred, you came to me.

because i know all your secrets, all your fears, you are not ashamed of your weakness in front of my eyes.

because since i've escaped your control, since i've fought your desperate grip off... may no harm ever come to me..., freed myself from your suffocating, caring embrace, proved myself and walked away. you have had accepted it, but told me, that you were still always there for me.

it was selfish. you have tried to make me dependant on you, it worked well. it was a long road to where i am now, who i am now, but i've made it.

you were still the same.

i've caught you once, i think i was twelve, when you were all alone, lonely and discovered your secret, that made my heart ache and i have wanted so desperately to show you, that i was there for you, but the aura of agony all around you like creeping fog, i couldn't reach through it, i stepped back and watched.  
you can't be alone, you just can't. like an instrument you are silent, when nobody touches your keys, nobody plays your melody, without input you are nothing.  
i've watched you for years, how you made sure, that you are never on your own. girlfriends, friends, fans, you've practically whored yourself out to please all of them, to make them love you, greedily feeding from their affection. you were a role model.

until she broke through your defences, cutting so deep, that all the darkness seeped out of the gashes, engulfing you.

just like the boy you've had been all those years ago, you were standing there, all helpless and knowing, that i couldn't leave you, because i'm your brother, your flesh and blood. always.  
i've remembered the shadows in your wide open empty eyes, how you were struggling to breathe, how you were fighting down your panic and horror, because you were all on your own and for you, that means bad company.  
you couldn't hide by the eloquent stream of words, that was usually pouring out of your mouth, couldn't hide behind your pretty smile, that made everybody fall for you and those eyes... those eyes were nothing like those sparkling orbs, i was used to.  
your confidence was wiped away, you were blank.

i was so afraid of the depth of your silence, of your emptiness, but i opened the door and found, that she had taken your pride away, too, together with your words and that smile, because you were instantly on your knees, hugging me close to you, your cheek against my belly, your strong arms around my waist.

i looked down upon you, noticed the changes, noticed how you found a new way to hide, saw those perfectly sculpted muscles and behind strands of dark hair, your face looking fiercer and more beautiful than ever. you got rid of all softness on the outside, looking like redemption personified, but your eyes told a different story, showed how vulnerable you were, have been, still are behind your mask, that just slips, when you are lonely.

slowly, hesitantly, my fingers trembling i reached down, leaned down, petted your hair and your shoulders, before displaying the act of hauling you upright on your feet again, but needing you to do it all on your own, because my light frame was not strong enough. i was sure, that my mind wasn't either, but my fingers wrapped around your wrist and led you inside.

somehow... i still don't know, where this urge came from, i never knew, that it was there, never once i have even thought about it before this moment, but i was determined suddenly and it felt right.

i shoved you. hard. and watched you fall backwards, offering no resistance, putting up no fight, just letting it happen, maybe you were accepting it like a natural force, like a tornado and just waited until it was over, because it will pass and the sky will be so much brighter afterwards.

you looked not as out of place on this zebra print sheets as i have had thought you would. maybe because you were there before, talking to me, staring at the soft blue light pouring out from that fish tank. you have been always there, always at my side, just hanging out with me, talking the seconds, minutes, hours away, lingering even after you have left.  
suddenly everything was so clear. i remembered every touch on my skin at once, making me tremble all over. you have wanted this all the time, but didn't dare, planted the seed of depravity under my skin with all your affection and care, it grew through the years, unnoticed by me under all those words of you, that i never listened to in the end. then i ignored it, just like i ignored you.

i was enraged, furious about this manipulation first, wanted to hit you, yell at you, throwing you out of my house and telling you to never ever come back, but i couldn't.  
you looked so lost, so empty and i knew, that i couldn't do it, because it felt good to be needed so much, to have power over you, over the one person, that controlled me for almost my whole life. i gave in and didn't realise, that this wasn't your surrender, it was mine again. you have offered yourself, but took more than you gave.

i stripped you down to your skin, looking down on your prone form, as if you were a stranger. physical perfection revealed, you still looked mortal, even with the dead eyes of those abandoned gods of stone.  
your legs parted easily for me, i didn't even bother to undress, just got my dick out of my pants and with some impatient preparation and lot's of lube inside you.  
it wasn't my best performance, it was hard, fast and quickly over. you were incredibly tight and even more tense, you were in pain and bled, but i didn't care, that you weren't even aroused.

when it was over, all i wanted to do, was sleep and never awake again, you slowly inched close again and snuggled up to me. your head was heavy on my chest, but somehow you didn't weigh me down.

i did it again, this time nice and slow and attentive of your needs, making you squirm and gasp and moan, making you feel cherished, loved and making you cum.

you left after it was over. just dressed without a word or a second glance at me and walked away.

from time to time we have repeated this, when you were broken and needed comfort and strength to go on.

this year we are doing things like that almost on daily basis and i'm afraid, that one day, it won't be enough to keep you safe. 


End file.
